Find Yourself At Forty SomethingApr 21, 2021
Did you know that there is a growth phase around 40?
I know right…why does no one talk about this?
At forty you’re transitioning into a new version of yourself, you’re going through a rebirth and that’s exciting OR TERRIFYING.
I bet you’ve heard of the midlife crisis well it’s the same thing except our society has labelled it as a bad thing when in fact it’s a good thing and I’m here to tell you this is YOUR time to rediscover yourself and what lights you up.
I bet you’re thinking ” Yes but Emma BUT I have all this to take care of work, money, kids, relationship, family, getting to the gym, eating well, not drinking so much and the rest of it, I know I need to do something to change the way I feel but I just don’t have the time”. The truth is it’s not all going to fall apart if you focus on yourself for a while.
The thing about being in this life stage is if you resist it and try to manage your way through it by juggling responsibilities and trying to feel less crap nothing is going to change, in fact, it’s only going to get worse.
This transition is about letting go of the parts of us and our life that no longer serve us, perhaps it excessive drinking or letting our health go, maybe it’s a career that no longer lights us up or isn’t aligned to our values or maybe even a relationship that’s no longer serving us or at least needs significant attention.
So this right here is your crossroad, do you turn left and do as much as you can to escape how you feel by drinking more, working more, obsessing about the one thing that is good, watch too much tv, being absent from your life as much as possible OR do you take the bull by the horns and jump all in to discovering if this isn’t what I want then what is?
Before I get into the two roads it’s important that you understand that we are conditioned to take option one, to suck it up and get on with it, you know “You should be so grateful because you have everything” and I call bullshit on that, what is “Everything” anyway? And my “everything” is going to be different to yours right?!
So forcing yourself to be someone that you do not want to be is not serving you. What would you tell your kids 30 years from now if they asked you what to do in the same situation? I know I would 100% tell my kids “this is your life, you deserve to be happy! Be considerate to others, communicate your needs and come from love in all your choices but they need to be your choices, your life, you deserve to live it your way”
So let’s look at the two options…
Option 1 – Suck it up and keep going, ok so the truth is sometimes this can work. It’s painful, probably includes alcohol, over eating and bing watching Netflix but nothing is going to change which is what you’re really avoiding. Having young kids can be the toughest time in a marriage so as they get older things might get better. Sticking your head in the sand might mean that something significant in your life blows up like your health, your job or your relationship and then you don’t have to DO anything, it happens to you so you’re forced into a new you.
This happens most often, the forced into transformation process.
Option 2 – Choosing to rediscover who you are now, this is a journey, there are things you need to let go of, unconscious things and more that you need to discover, nurture and grow before you really experience the joy of this transformation? This is the more courageous way and the option that has endless gifts to be had in return. Facing the parts of life and yourself that right now are not lighting you up are growth opportunities, you can feel fulfilled, loved and free to be yourself while also being a forty something with all the responsibilities.
“At the centre of your being you have the answer, you know who you are & you know what you want” – Lao Tzu
I love this quote and I know this is truth but when you’re going through your forty something growth it might piss you off, “YES BUT HOW do I find those answers?!!” Do you want someone else to tell you so you can just get on with taking care of all your responsibilities…is that ironic? I think so…anyway the point is, this is the time to lean into discovering YOUR answers, YOUR truth.
So let’s talk fear, this is the thing that stops people really leaning into their forties, you fear you’ll let your kids down, your fear that if you leave your relationship you’ll be lonely forever or lose all your money, you fear changing careers, what if you fail, have no money and have to go back. You fear all the possible change but what if you chose to see all these fears as opportunities?
What if you take this time to ask yourself “if I had a magic wand and I could instantly have my ideal life what would it look like?” (stay with me, this is powerful, so bloody pretend you have a wand)
What if you’re in the right relationship or even career it’s just that you’re changing and what you need from them has changed too?
What if you’re not in the right relationship or career but the right one is just around the corner?
What if you chose to see this forty something growth as an opportunity instead of a crisis?
What if you’re about to discover your happiest self?
What if you get the support you need, coaches, training, books, mentors to heal and then create this life?
With the right support that helps you find YOUR answers and not what’s expected of you your whole world can and will change for the better, take my word for it mine did and has my clients too.
This is your time to rediscover who you want to be for the next forty years, don’t waste it or miss the opportunity!!
Big love, Mxx
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